- ridiculously cheap alcohol. Getting absolutely plastered should cost something. It shouldn't be comparable to getting a very large McDonald's meal.
- anyone who talks about owning firearms in a non-chalant manner.
- 12-egg omlettes.
- commercials for hospitals
- USA! USA! USA!
- a political system with less than four parties.
- patriotism
- the phrase "The greatest country in the world" when not applied to Sweden.
- the above phrase spoken with dyed in the skin certainty.
- food portions that could feed a large village in Uganda. For a month.
- the term 'my country', especially when coupled with 'get out of'.
- flag colours displayed anywhere other than a goddamn flag. These include, but are not limited to, bandanas, shoes, entire body suits. Superheroes excluded.
- the pledge of allegiance. Sounds like something that members of a rather well-armed militia might have. I think it's the 'allegiance' bit. Makes one think of sides and armed conflict.
- Homeland Security. The entire border thing. I'm worried I'll say something completely wrong, give not quite the right answer, and be sucked into GitMo or somesuch. Of all the fears, this is the most real to me.
- how much coverage y'all give to lost blonde women from the mid-west.
- Wal-Mart
- the near gladiatoral fervour with which Monday Night Football is televised.
- 24-hour news which refuses to put quotes around 'news'.
You SIR, have the hygeine of an overly ripe avocado and the speaking habits of a vaguely deranged chess set. I find your manner to be unctuous and possibly libelous, and whatever standard you set for orthodontal care, it's not one I care for. Your choice in news programs is semi-literate at best and I do believe your favourite news anchor writes erotic literature for university mascots. While I'm not one to point out so obvious a failing, there has been rumour that the brunches you host every other Sunday are made with too much lard and cilantro. If you get my meaning. There is something to be said about your choice of motor-car fuel, but it is not urbane and if I were to repeat it, mothers would cover their children's ears and perhaps not a few longshoremen within earshot would blush. How you maintain that rather obscene crease in your trousers and your socks is beyond me, perhaps its also during this time that you cultivate a skin regime that I'm sure requires the dea...
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Damn it.