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Showing posts from August, 2008


Thanks to thekiko for the photo. The Penny Arcade Expo is kinda like the Mecca for gamers. Obviously without the deep religious connotations and how it fulfills a devouts Muslims life with love and joy and the uplifting of the spirit etc. More like, a place where everyone that is quite like you can gather and feel sorta normal. A cattle drive of nerd herds, if you will. All sorts, flavours and shades of gamers will find PAX irresistable. I know what you're thinking, "There is more than one type?". Alas, like your vegetarian co-worker who you see sometimes having a Filet-O-Fish, there are so many, many degrees of us. There are the table top gamers, the role players, the RTS dudes, the FPS maniacs, the handheld acolytes... Oh, it goes on. Sure, there is overlap. But there are only so many hours in the day, only so many ways to particpate in a hobby that brings universal denigration and sneered lips of disdain. Now, what's Penny Arcade ? Imagine if you will the most

Something Found In The Park Part 5

“Oh, let's give the little dears some company on their first and final performance with the Kannibal Krowes! We found they had a little pet!' Rick craned his neck over to see her hand make a flourishing movement towards a door. A burly man who smelled of onions and smoke pushed in their Fang-Monger. It sat in its water, bobbing, its eyes cast about the crowd with the disinterest that only wild animals can muster. The crowd oohed, then went back to betting, which changed only slightly with the addition of this unknown floating... thing. The music came on again, and like a switch, the pigeons became much more agitated. Some started flying from perch to perch, from skull to skull. Rick could smell them musty: covered over by a thick blanket of rotting ground beef. Mary screamed. Rick whipped his head around to look at her. A trick of blood was starting down her cheek. A flurry of feathers, and then another pinprick of blood started out from her forehead. This was going to take muc

Something Found In The Park Part 4

“Lord Gloom's Ever Frightening Kannibal Krowes!!” read the banner. It was bright yellow with dark red lettering. The words were plastered sloppily, almost gleefully, thought Rick. It looked like it had been made a long time ago, and had been raised many times. It was pretty easy to focus on the banner, what with both him and Mary being tied down, and all. Rick could still smell something sharp and acrid on his mouth, on his nose. Seems they took extra steps to make sure neither of them woke up while they were bound in their sleep. He looked over at Mary, who was strapped to a long flat board set at an angle, like he was. There were streaks of dried tears down her face, and he tried not to show he saw it. She gave him a flutter of a look, then resumed to looking all around her, trying to take in the entire scene. There was a lot to take in. They were on the roof. The pigeons were out of their cage, perched on various paper mache skulls. The air smelled of smoke from pipes, cigarette

Something Found In The Park Part 3

The package sat on his grubby knees. It had the suspicious air of the Tooth Fairy just as older sibling explained quite matter of factly the truth. Open it now and face disappointment? What did he have to lose? Rick considered all the thoughts criss crossing his mind, like a migration of manta rays gone mad. He looked over at Mary. She looked at the package, with an almost inscrutable expression on her face. She bit her lip. Rick tried to remind himself to breathe, it couldn't get any worse. That was the problem with hope: it offered as more pain in disappointment than it did joy in relief. He ripped open the package with shaking hands. Underneath a few cotton balls, a few more styro-foam popcorns, was a green piece of paper. It looked like it had been folded and refolded hundreds of times. It had the air of something stuffed and restuffed into someone's jeans as a lucky charm. On it was written: “Look below you.” Rick and Mary both looked at it. Mary, in a flurry of s

Something Found In The Park Part 2

She kept pigeons on the roof. Hundreds of them. They cooed and gurgled like underwater engines, burbling delight from being given too much food and attention. This, naturally, was a bad thing for Mary and Rick; seven days a week they cleaned and brought up seeds. What worried Rick is that they also had to bring ground beef. Pounds of it, raw, swimming in blood. They left it to the side for Ms. Krenshaw to deal with. There was never any left the next day. They also had to clean her apartment, and the seven other apartments she was in charge of; or had squatted. They were always dirty. Great mounds of dirty dishes, questionable pools of liquid on the linoleum, and always the scurry of the small things that fed in that filth. The mystery tenants were never there, thankfully. Ms. Krenshaw grudgingly let them go to school. Probably, Rick thought, because a truant officer would bring unwanted attention. At school they heard whispers about Ms. Krenshaw. That she had had past ward

Something Found In The Park (or 3 UPC Coupons and 50 cents Worth of Hope) Part 1

This is a pretty irregular feature I do on this blog, post fiction I've been working on. This came about mainly from reading a bit of Roald Dahl on vacation. He is one of my mostest favourite authors. He's a bit subversive, a bit dark, but in the end, entirely wholesome. This is sort of my stab at something in his style. In a way. Inspired by, maybe. It's also inspired by a Dr. Seuss book, which I'll talk about later. This will be in a few parts, as it's on the longish side. It's quite a departure from my usual blog postings, which will resume in a week or so. Hope you enjoy it. “One #34 Dark-Lighted Penumbrian Fang Monger” read the small soiled box. It smelled of oatmeal, and it seemed hardly likely it had anything except mold. Rick frowned, life had more disappointment in store for him, it seemed. Not content to kick a kid when he was down, it was bringing out the tire iron and calling over friends. He prodded the box with a finger grimy from mustard and pige

Bocce News Update #3 : Madden's Bocce Report

Last bocce themed post for a while, so skip over it while you can. Madden's Non-Football Sports Report!!!!!!! (NOTE : John Madden is a NFL commentator widely believed to have suffered a catastrophic brain aneurysm 17 years ago. He continues to work, however. His scintillating insights and Wilde-like bon-mots are his trademark.) Yo, John Madden here! I just came back from one of the most dynamic, exciting, dynamic matches of Bocci I've ever seen. Seriously folks, this is like football, but with an Italian angle. I'm not sure if Italians have football, but if they don't, bocci would definitely be it. It was a great game between the upstarts, Team A (Sam and Tiern playing), and an institution in the game of bocci, the Team B (John and Mary) . These guys have going power! Three years as undefeated champions! They got gristle, they got grit! They win alot! The uh, experts on bocci, the little Italian guys who got all the info on this game, have told me the field was pretty f

Bocce News Update #2 : Casey At The.. Bocce.. something.

Posts are going to be coming pretty fast an furious, as a I have a backlog of stuffs I want to cram down the internets to you, my valued reader. Oh, let's be generous, readerS. Continuing my series of Posts I Made To My Work Bocce News Site Thing. The outlook was pretty dismal for the Team Fourteen that day: The emails were pretty virulent, with trashtalk in the fray. And then when Team Sixteen started rolling points, and TF losing same, A deathly quiet dropped upon the patrons of the game. A straggling effort came from the team, under great duress They clung to hope which springs eternal in the human breast; They thought, if only we could win, there would be more tit for tat, Our flamewars we'd pummel them with, like an enforcer with a bat. But power was their enemy, and likewise was their aim, And the former was never laggin, and the latter never came; So upon that stricken bocce team dire fatalism stalked, For every time they went up to play their skill would only balk. Oh,

Bocce News Update #1 : Classic American Sports Report

So, my work's annual bocce tournament is upon us. After each match, we have to update our big ol' wiki site with a little news item on what's going aboot and what happened. Naturally, I take liberties. In a stunning display of athleticism, wit, and alarmingly feminine grace, TEAM A (Sam and Larry playing) squeaked out a win against the ever fashionable Team B (Jane and Mary)! Team B charged the field with random outcries of Power Rangers and cheers for their favourite Quidditch teams, and wooed the crowd with their scarf-type-dealies (that I'm sure has a proper name but darned if I know it). TEAM A commented that they "just brought their A-game" and that they "really gelled as a team", and "left it all out on the field". Team B was a bit subdued during question period, noting that "they will definitely be looking at restructuring their organization in post-season", but are "really looking forward to their next challenge"

Things Heterosexual Men Are Expected To Know

how much horsepower their car has/its MPG city and highway. how to use power-tools without flinching. a solid, non-wavering opinion on the current championship sporting event. a fairly detailed knowledge of the current socio-politico-geographic layout of the current country in turmoil. how much they can benchpress/how much they tell others they can benchpress/when drunk. a fairly manly reason why they no longer 'work out'/a very high-brow, awe-inspired reason why they still work out (e.g. 'look good naked' is not a good reason. Good reason are : 'be there for my kids', 'so I can play with them till the sun goes down', 'for my volunteer work in the Tibetan hinterlands where I must free climb twice a day with 200 pounds worth of much needed medicine and food hanging from a caribinger pierced through my testicles') how to fix that thing that's making that really weird noise but wasn't before. what the HELL is all that crap when they open th

Stuff They Really Don't Need To Advertise.

The Dark Knight Jack Daniels Any Movie That Has More Than Three Fansites PRE-Production CD Releases Of Any Artist That Has Had More Than 10 Tabloid Spreads That Fantastic Action Movie That Gives Guys BRAINGASMS just THINKING About the Trailer That One About the Chick and blahblahblah finding herself blahblahblah BIKINIS! Anything By Pixar That Fact that Walmart has LOW, LOW Prices (at the cost of the planet, human dignity, and a living wage, but still, affordable Sponge Bob Squarepants briefs!) Slurpees Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition The Super Bowl Beer, in general any fast food burger that has a name prefaced with 'The'

Things I like every time they are included in popular entertainment

Again, metamonk's idea. He's like a goddamn Idea Factory powered by an Innovation Engine trapped within an Creativity Field existing in the Novelty Dimension. corporations that are evil! previous idea, but it's ultimately headed by a quirky, devil may care iconoclast that had NO idea it had lost it's way. ridiculously hot chicks who actually go for the ridiculously hot guy, and not the plucky upstart who's physically HORRIFYING yet has a heart of gold and quirky outlook on life. Realism goes a long way for me. drunks Scots with real salt of the earth wisdom. when there are asians in a ensemble cast, but they aren't women, and they aren't married to a white guy. So, basically, Sulu. unsassy black women. eco-unfriendly, American made, dangerously overpowered muscle cars from the 70's. Gil Gerard. a steady goddamn camera when filming a fight scene. a catchy hook. rap reminiscent of the 80's breakdancing movement. the tragically uptight antagonist findi

Internet Abbreviations that Never Gained Currency

Thanks again to metamonk for the idear. SCHL : Shit, cops here, later CCN : Credit Card Number? LGFLFAIG : loose gorgeous female looking for any internet geek WWTHMM : who wants to hear my mashup? GSIPM : great startup idea, pm me! NOA : Nigerian opportunity available LOPTA : logging off, party to attend AAMS : AFK, another modeling shoot IHAR : I hate Ayn Rand WATLA : what's a three letter acronym? CWP : consoles with paw FLFPP : furry looking for puppy play STTNGFLFSWFTD : Star Trek : The Next Generation Fan Looking For Star Wars Fan to Debate GTMSL : getting too much sex lately WDD : what's D&D? JJRYAD : Jar Jar Rules, You All Drool! OISN : OMG It's Seeping Now SIHAP : Sure, I Have Another Picture SMN : Sending Money Now ACAAE : All Consoles Are About Equal HTRCU : Hope That Rash Clear(s/ed) Up WYRAF : Wow, you really ARE fat BHSA : Back hair, sexy, AMIRITE?

Scrapped Cartoon Ideas

Thanks to metamonk for the blog post idear! Props! Shout outs! Etcetera! Roundtable With Kofi Annan and the Diplomacy Dynamite Duo Every week watch Kofi flex his mind and his wit to outsmart despotic regimes (currently out of favour with US Foreign policy)! Every month is a new Diplomacy Dynamite Duo! This month, Kissinger and Carter! They sit at opposite ends of the political spectrum but when they get together, no socialist regime unfriendly to corporate agendas will stand in their way! Gracies Choke-Out! Hour An hour of hilarious choke-outs! you can do at home with your siblings, pet, or feeble uncle who can't run too fast! The world famous Brazillian Ju-Jitsu family, the Gracies, pack each hour with as many joint snapping, clavicle breaking, windpipe crushing moves you can do with just your body and a iron will to leave your enemies in a crumpled mass of pain and regret. This week sponsored by GB Bernett and Associates, Personal Injury Lawyers, serving the greater Boston