Email : Server, down.

So our network server's hard-disk filled up, and when that happens, the entire office gets a repeating network message, which gets somewhat irritating. This is what I sent to the entire office, yes, I'm a prima donna. Yes, I have undue faith in my job security.

Once upon a morning dreary, while I programmed, alert, yet weary,
Over many a hard and contorted lines of forgotten lore,
While I focussed, near exhaustion, suddenly there came a popup,
As someone gently messaging, messaging on my windows core,
"Tis some friend, " I muttered, "IMing at my Window's door-
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I rememebr it was in the bleak of winter,
And each separate bugging message wrought upon my Window core,
Eagerly I wished the stopping, vainly I had sought Stop Popping!
From the IT staff of five, stop the buzzing of the hive -
For the sought and beautiful silence which is popups no more -
Unheeded here for evermore.

And the sad unbidden message of the disk is fillen,
Chagrined me - filled me with terrors of servers dying,
So that now, to still the beating of my mind, I sat repeating,
"Tis some IT staff will get it,
Some time soon the staff will get it
Before the server has a fit"

Email : I've never rambled, ever.

I've posted a few emails that I've written that I though weren't half bad, this is one of them to a person in my writing group, concerning my rambling style.

I have never rambled in my entire life! Now, maybe
like an itinerant and slightly loghorheatic vacuum
salesman with a poor grasp of English, I've felt a
need to extrapolate and finely craft the inner and
outer details of a subject. I may have, on occasion,
used points and counterpoints on my prose like so much
bling on hard-hitting gangsta rapper (originally from
Vermont). There may have been pinpoint of weakness in
the timeline of my writing, in which a short snappy
sentence might have created a world of it's own, an
interior life replete with absinthe fueled imaginings
of how if only it could be discovered it would move to
Paris and finally finish that post-avant-garde
pre-anti-post-modern epic poem in Swahili.

I admit, that how fleetingly, a sentence may have
added compounding to it's own compounds, until the
weight of it's commas and semi-colons brings it to its
knees, grasping for the quickly failing vision of
whatever point it was trying to make.

However unfair, critics may have taken up arms against
my fondness of words in which twenty or ninety words
might be used in the place of three or four.

But ramble? Ramble?

Surely not.

I'm SOOO Going to be Published

In a miniscule work newsletter, but still!! Here, for posterity, is one of the many emails, 'sealing the deal' if you will.

Hi ,

I'm afraid I'm not one for meetings. It's not that I hate them -- well, ok, it's because I hate them. Well, not hate them, I'm simply deficient in committee skills and/or experience which is seriously hobbled by a lack of desire to increase said skills and/or experience.

But thanks so much for the invite, as much as it struck fear into my very soul.

Looking forward to writing an article for the Enrolling Stone (it won't be about commmittees, I promise (mostly)).

Cheers!
J

Stupid Evite Character Limit

Here is my reply to dawn's invite :
WTH? Dave a vegan? He better be of the joking and such. Also, super funny evite! Almost as funny as the WoW Cosplay thing you tried ot invite us all to last christmas. Except that wasn't trying to be funny. However, it did manage to be so sad it was funny.

I"m also shocked. SHOCKED that MC Hammer isn't pictured in a Hammer Card. I'm also pretty sure the phrase 'hammer' is featured in Top Gun. So you really have no excuse to have just a lame actual hammer covered in what looks to be fresh columbian white. I mean really. Heavy metal tools and blow, when has that even been a good idea (except in Scarface, that Tony, *guffaw*).

In that vein, will devans be bringing us all crisp $1000 bills as is the custom for bank employees at Xmas?