- The Dark Knight
- Jack Daniels
- Any Movie That Has More Than Three Fansites PRE-Production
- CD Releases Of Any Artist That Has Had More Than 10 Tabloid Spreads
- That Fantastic Action Movie That Gives Guys BRAINGASMS just THINKING About the Trailer
- That One About the Chick and blahblahblah finding herself blahblahblah BIKINIS!
- Anything By Pixar
- That Fact that Walmart has LOW, LOW Prices (at the cost of the planet, human dignity, and a living wage, but still, affordable Sponge Bob Squarepants briefs!)
- Slurpees
- Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition
- The Super Bowl
- Beer, in general
- any fast food burger that has a name prefaced with 'The'
You SIR, have the hygeine of an overly ripe avocado and the speaking habits of a vaguely deranged chess set. I find your manner to be unctuous and possibly libelous, and whatever standard you set for orthodontal care, it's not one I care for. Your choice in news programs is semi-literate at best and I do believe your favourite news anchor writes erotic literature for university mascots. While I'm not one to point out so obvious a failing, there has been rumour that the brunches you host every other Sunday are made with too much lard and cilantro. If you get my meaning. There is something to be said about your choice of motor-car fuel, but it is not urbane and if I were to repeat it, mothers would cover their children's ears and perhaps not a few longshoremen within earshot would blush. How you maintain that rather obscene crease in your trousers and your socks is beyond me, perhaps its also during this time that you cultivate a skin regime that I'm sure requires the dea...
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