- "This flower smells so good, it smells like NAIL POLISH"
- "Oh yeah, I'm scared of sharks too. But the one I hate the most are lions, when they tap on your window."
- "I wouldn't want to live near a volcano, it's so hot, it can melt ice. Or your head. Or this HOUSE. Or those bananas."
- *seeing some guy in a gym pumping iron* "Wow, he's so strong, I bet you he can lift a SWORD!"
You SIR, have the hygeine of an overly ripe avocado and the speaking habits of a vaguely deranged chess set. I find your manner to be unctuous and possibly libelous, and whatever standard you set for orthodontal care, it's not one I care for. Your choice in news programs is semi-literate at best and I do believe your favourite news anchor writes erotic literature for university mascots. While I'm not one to point out so obvious a failing, there has been rumour that the brunches you host every other Sunday are made with too much lard and cilantro. If you get my meaning. There is something to be said about your choice of motor-car fuel, but it is not urbane and if I were to repeat it, mothers would cover their children's ears and perhaps not a few longshoremen within earshot would blush. How you maintain that rather obscene crease in your trousers and your socks is beyond me, perhaps its also during this time that you cultivate a skin regime that I'm sure requires the dea...
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