- while fraternization is frowned upon, sexual harassment complaints from someone lower on the totem pole about someone who has, quite literally, carte blanche will always end poorly for the complainer.
- the Kleenex in the break room are for make-up removal or runny noses. Please bring your own supply for crying jags or otherwise personal issues.
- our wellness coordinator is actually a co-op/intern position that's shared with six other mulitnationals across three states. You may book an appointment with him/her in March and late October.
- people who are inordinately thirsty during the day will have their cubicles moved furthest from the watercooler.
- our 'paid grief time' is for recruitment purposes only.
- the 'security cameras' are actually used to record the time you take for your breaks and lunch.
- smokers and people who have been deemed 'generally unpleasant' get fewer, and less enthusiastic email reminders to join the Summer Company Picnic.
- there is no typing test when we interview for receptionists.
- all calls that may be monitored are, all calls that no one could reasonably assume would be monitored are.
- business texts are checked for spelling accuracy, all managers are reprimanded accordingly.
- the heater isn't really broken in the bathrooms. That would assume there are heaters there to BE broken.
- The new front door is a metal detector.
You SIR, have the hygeine of an overly ripe avocado and the speaking habits of a vaguely deranged chess set. I find your manner to be unctuous and possibly libelous, and whatever standard you set for orthodontal care, it's not one I care for. Your choice in news programs is semi-literate at best and I do believe your favourite news anchor writes erotic literature for university mascots. While I'm not one to point out so obvious a failing, there has been rumour that the brunches you host every other Sunday are made with too much lard and cilantro. If you get my meaning. There is something to be said about your choice of motor-car fuel, but it is not urbane and if I were to repeat it, mothers would cover their children's ears and perhaps not a few longshoremen within earshot would blush. How you maintain that rather obscene crease in your trousers and your socks is beyond me, perhaps its also during this time that you cultivate a skin regime that I'm sure requires the dea
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