- ability to keep eye contact when addressing employer on the "hottub deck".
- past experience with caring for a ficus.
- general disinterest in female anatomy, especially on aforementioned deck.
- experience with pH balance and chlorination of 1/4 Olympic sized pool.
- enjoys 'Miami Vice'.
- supportive, but not too supportive of recreational drug use.
- able to remove tricky stains from snow-white uniform (mud, grass, human brain and skull fragments).
- refrains from 'punching it' at the first sign of law enforcement.
- comfortable with frequent small arms fire.
- knows how to start and operate a Vecoplan K-Model RG70K Industrial Shredder unassisted.
- can do light cleanup (mainly of bent spoons, dusty mirrors, various lengths of rubber hose).
- fond of Billy Ocean.
- equally comfortable talking out of a search and seizure from the Coast Guard as he is having light banter at the dinner table.
- doesn't press the need to wear 'short shorts'.
- competent enough to serve as a spare 4th for bridge, should the need arise
You SIR, have the hygeine of an overly ripe avocado and the speaking habits of a vaguely deranged chess set. I find your manner to be unctuous and possibly libelous, and whatever standard you set for orthodontal care, it's not one I care for. Your choice in news programs is semi-literate at best and I do believe your favourite news anchor writes erotic literature for university mascots. While I'm not one to point out so obvious a failing, there has been rumour that the brunches you host every other Sunday are made with too much lard and cilantro. If you get my meaning. There is something to be said about your choice of motor-car fuel, but it is not urbane and if I were to repeat it, mothers would cover their children's ears and perhaps not a few longshoremen within earshot would blush. How you maintain that rather obscene crease in your trousers and your socks is beyond me, perhaps its also during this time that you cultivate a skin regime that I'm sure requires the dea
Comments