General Qualities Required for Yacht Captains Employed by Third World Drug Kingpins

• ability to keep eye contact when addressing employer on the "hottub deck".
• past experience with caring for a ficus.
• general disinterest in female anatomy, especially on aforementioned deck.
• experience with pH balance and chlorination of 1/4 Olympic sized pool.
• enjoys 'Miami Vice'.
• supportive, but not too supportive of recreational drug use.
• able to remove tricky stains from snow-white uniform (mud, grass, human brain and skull fragments).
• refrains from 'punching it' at the first sign of law enforcement.
• comfortable with frequent small arms fire.
• knows how to start and operate a Vecoplan K-Model RG70K Industrial Shredder unassisted.
• can do light cleanup (mainly of bent spoons, dusty mirrors, various lengths of rubber hose).
• fond of Billy Ocean.
• equally comfortable talking out of a search and seizure from the Coast Guard as he is having light banter at the dinner table.
• doesn't press the need to wear 'short shorts'.
• competent enough to serve as a spare 4th for bridge, should the need arise