- how much horsepower their car has/its MPG city and highway.
- how to use power-tools without flinching.
- a solid, non-wavering opinion on the current championship sporting event.
- a fairly detailed knowledge of the current socio-politico-geographic layout of the current country in turmoil.
- how much they can benchpress/how much they tell others they can benchpress/when drunk.
- a fairly manly reason why they no longer 'work out'/a very high-brow, awe-inspired reason why they still work out (e.g. 'look good naked' is not a good reason. Good reason are : 'be there for my kids', 'so I can play with them till the sun goes down', 'for my volunteer work in the Tibetan hinterlands where I must free climb twice a day with 200 pounds worth of much needed medicine and food hanging from a caribinger pierced through my testicles')
- how to fix that thing that's making that really weird noise but wasn't before.
- what the HELL is all that crap when they open the fuse box.
- proper treatment of electrical burns.
- every term the car mechanic uses when they give an estimate ("Yeah, but to do it right, we'll have to re-align the Moss de-conflabulator, double jigg the pinion vice and router out the compression anchor tube.")
- NOT what sort of shampoo they use or why they use it.
- more or less what's going on when they have to pull over and pop the hood.
- from sight, whether a screw is 3/8" or a 1/4"
- what is, and what is NOT, a 'real beer'.
- at least one guy in the Joint.
- five different slang terms for mammary glands.
- if not what it actually means, then at least how to use the term 'load-bearing' in such a way as to appease wife/girlfriend/and Home Depot construction expert.
- at least one food, of which the only real version can be found at a very specific city (e.g. "You think that's pizza? You haven't had pizza unless you've been to...").
You SIR, have the hygeine of an overly ripe avocado and the speaking habits of a vaguely deranged chess set. I find your manner to be unctuous and possibly libelous, and whatever standard you set for orthodontal care, it's not one I care for. Your choice in news programs is semi-literate at best and I do believe your favourite news anchor writes erotic literature for university mascots. While I'm not one to point out so obvious a failing, there has been rumour that the brunches you host every other Sunday are made with too much lard and cilantro. If you get my meaning. There is something to be said about your choice of motor-car fuel, but it is not urbane and if I were to repeat it, mothers would cover their children's ears and perhaps not a few longshoremen within earshot would blush. How you maintain that rather obscene crease in your trousers and your socks is beyond me, perhaps its also during this time that you cultivate a skin regime that I'm sure requires the dea
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(I lie, I don't know anyone in jail.)
monky : purely coincidental. Yup. Absolutely.