Skip to main content

Bocce News Update #3 : Madden's Bocce Report

Last bocce themed post for a while, so skip over it while you can.




Madden's Non-Football Sports Report!!!!!!!

(NOTE : John Madden is a NFL commentator widely believed to have suffered a catastrophic brain aneurysm 17 years ago. He continues to work, however. His scintillating insights and Wilde-like bon-mots are his trademark.)

Yo, John Madden here! I just came back from one of the most dynamic, exciting, dynamic matches of Bocci I've ever seen. Seriously folks, this is like football, but with an Italian angle. I'm not sure if Italians have football, but if they don't, bocci would definitely be it.

It was a great game between the upstarts, Team A (Sam and Tiern playing), and an institution in the game of bocci, the Team B (John and Mary) . These guys have going power! Three years as undefeated champions! They got gristle, they got grit! They win alot!

The uh, experts on bocci, the little Italian guys who got all the info on this game, have told me the field was pretty fast and was kinda, is this right here, right here, under the uh, period... the field was too slanted?! That's what I love about Football, no messing around with crazy fields. You got 100 yards, and every Sunday that's where you lay it all out: on the grid iron! Blood sweat, and 3.. 5... you know, all the other guys on the team, all those guys pulling with you. Football! Yeah!!!

Now, the game was going pretty well, except for the guys who lost. You lose in the game of bocci when you don't get as many points as the other guy, and the other guy makes it to 15. The field was kinda like the defensive line of the '73 Bears. It kept the other team from making points, and, con-uh-se-quensially, winning.

So, that wraps up this match. Gotta wish Team A good luck on their ROAD TO THE SUPERBOWL! YEAH!!!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

People You Meet on Transit #5

Thanks to Jay Morrison for the photo. Transit Drivers Bus drivers are an archetype in North American culture. In the imagination they are generous in girth, have staunch opinions about unions and eat 300% the recommended intake of red meat. The odd one adheres to a strict conspiracy theory, which they manage to work into the most innocuous conversations. At least, that's what's been ingrained in our collective subconscious along with "Han shot first" and "Dukakis, 1988". But transit drivers, like everyone else, are individuals. Unique, utterly one of a kind from the 5 billion others who roam this spinning mass of molten iron with the cool, carbon life-form infested shell. Sure, you see the reticent ones, who have a 100 yard stare and coolly watch passengers get mild hypothermia while they take their union-sanctioned 15 minute break inside their cozy bus. But there are other, more colourful characters as well. In my city, there is one that calls out every st...

Insults From A Senile Victorian Gentleman

You SIR, have the hygeine of an overly ripe avocado and the speaking habits of a vaguely deranged chess set. I find your manner to be unctuous and possibly libelous, and whatever standard you set for orthodontal care, it's not one I care for. Your choice in news programs is semi-literate at best and I do believe your favourite news anchor writes erotic literature for university mascots. While I'm not one to point out so obvious a failing, there has been rumour that the brunches you host every other Sunday are made with too much lard and cilantro. If you get my meaning. There is something to be said about your choice of motor-car fuel, but it is not urbane and if I were to repeat it, mothers would cover their children's ears and perhaps not a few longshoremen within earshot would blush. How you maintain that rather obscene crease in your trousers and your socks is beyond me, perhaps its also during this time that you cultivate a skin regime that I'm sure requires the dea...

Cyberpunk 2077

 Like a late 90's webring, replete with link back and hints at an actual relationship with other authors, this is a piece I'd like to say in.. rebuttal is too harsh a term, in reply, to my very long standing internet friend, zompist, where he posts his various gripes with that great sprawling hot mess, Cyberpunk 2077. Now I say hot mess because that's what the internet at large thinks of it, but me, playing on the worringly over-powered computers on GeForce Now, have experienced nearly no problems. Or at least not problems that bother me enough. Keep in mind I'm the Homer Simpson when it comes to critiquing alot of things. I just like, alot of things. Cheap date, as it were.   It might be my hundreds of hours in Bethesda titles and regularly having to look up console commands to debug yet another janked out quest, but it takes a rather large bug to befuddle and begrudge me. Like if a bug repoed my car, maybe, or  told me how much weight I had actually put on during ...