Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Things I like every time they are included in popular entertainment

Again, metamonk's idea. He's like a goddamn Idea Factory powered by an Innovation Engine trapped within an Creativity Field existing in the Novelty Dimension.

  • corporations that are evil!
  • previous idea, but it's ultimately headed by a quirky, devil may care iconoclast that had NO idea it had lost it's way.
  • ridiculously hot chicks who actually go for the ridiculously hot guy, and not the plucky upstart who's physically HORRIFYING yet has a heart of gold and quirky outlook on life. Realism goes a long way for me.
  • drunks Scots with real salt of the earth wisdom.
  • when there are asians in a ensemble cast, but they aren't women, and they aren't married to a white guy. So, basically, Sulu.
  • unsassy black women.
  • eco-unfriendly, American made, dangerously overpowered muscle cars from the 70's.
  • Gil Gerard.
  • a steady goddamn camera when filming a fight scene.
  • a catchy hook.
  • rap reminiscent of the 80's breakdancing movement.
  • the tragically uptight antagonist finding true love.
  • the obligatory 'lock and load' scene where the heroes load up on really fricking awesome weapons. Preferably out of the back of a combat-modified Cadillac.
  • highly organized, professional, and not really THAT evil bad guys.
  • over the top sound-effects for large hand guns.
  • any of the three Old Chinese Guys they've been using since 1983.
  • action scenes set to AC/DC.
  • Will Smith's fashion sense.
  • riotously expensive cars being raced through cramped, cobbled European streets.
  • space ships.
  • grizzled veterans with drinking problems that show the hero what they need to do to win.
  • armor plating.
  • once revered actors who you can tell are doing the movie just for the paycheque.
  • creative profanity.
  • plucky upstarts who fight the system and show that hooker with a heart of gold the real meaning of Christmas.
  • lines that are totally not witty at all but end up being so because of the actor's timing or inflection.
  • comeuppance.


Anonymous said...

I know it's a spoof but I'm gonna print this out and take it to tropic thunder tonight and yell BINGO every four minutes.

I also admire the Al Leong shoutout.

Blurb for your book jacket: "The Owl doesn't just observe pop culture. He's soaking in it."


Anonymous said...

Please consider: wise cool old or afflicted black mentor, as either major character (see almost any movie) or as inspriational interloper at key moment (Harold and Kumar, Bedazzled, Freejack).

Niteowl said...

THANKS monk!

And the wizened black person is so prevalent, they have a term for it:
The magical negro.

Chris D said...

I would like to nominate James Hong for a lifetime achievement award in the field of Being An Old Chinese Guy. His nomination arises from his extraordinary work in Bladerunner as "The Old Chinese Guy with the Eyes"

Niteowl said...

Really? I'm much more of a Kim Chan fellow myself. Or that other old asian dude.. what's his name...

Anonymous said...

Al Leong is not chinese, but you're all thinking of him. We've collected all 3.

Lethal Weapon: electrocutes Mel Gibson with large sea sponges.

Lethal Weapon 4: Improbably, attacks Mel Gibson.

Die Hard: Looks around for Mel Gibson, wields MP3, is great visual joke next to Aryan guy with Steyr Aug. Character has a name, though.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure: Ghengis Khan in tiny offensive lineman shoulder pads.

plusaconstant said...

I've been seeing quite a few sassy Asian women lately, and they're all pretty magical and golden hearted. I've been seeing them on TV, I mean.