Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Possible Dialogue in Left 4 Dead

Left 4 Dead (a zombie co-operative shooter game) apparently has eight THOUSAND bloody lines of dialogue, and no cut-scenes. It's like an abomination unto the jRPG scene, overpaid CG artists, and washed out actors who once made out with their sisters.

So, with that in mind, I present to you:

POSSIBLE DIALOGUE IN LEFT 4 DEAD

  • I say, is that wound infected or is your skin moisturizer pus-based?
  • Jesus, another zombie?
  • THIS IS THE GAME THAT NEVER ENDS! IT GOES FOR ON AND ON MY FRIEND!
  • My current ammo count is 11, I'll keep updating you as that changes!
  • No safe safe zone and no shotgun shells makes Homer something something.
  • I'm going to try and negotiate with them!
  • I now have 10 bullets.
  • Godsdamnit, the NRA was right.
  • We've been wandering for close to 30 gameplay hours, and we are still only four surivors. What are the odds?
  • You would like me to continue reading random lines from my Dickens Digest? Oh, alright, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."
  • Ok, you're in a dark dungeon, the smell of kobold is in the air. Sam, you need to wait a turn to use magic missile. Jenny, please roll a saving throw, you've stepped on a troll trap-- AAAHH MORE ZOMBIES!!
  • It's 8 now.
  • We got a see-saw like device, a ledge that's just too far to pull ourselves over, and some cinder blocks. How odd.
  • As I was saying, it's our constant oppression of the differently living that has caused this power imbalance that presses upon the average undead. It's in this wasteland of public discourse and accountability that the inevitable grassroots insurgents sprouts, making us the invading conquerers. The oppressors.
  • So I might like him, go ahead and ask him if he might like me, but dont' tell him I might like him, dont' tell him we even had this conversation. Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, I'm so nervous. WHAT THE HELL ZOMBIES!!!

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