Things My 11-Month Old Can Do That Is Unacceptable For 47-Year Old Accounts Manager Brad Diaderod Currently Enjoying a Stopover In Muskegon, Michigan

discover leftovers in folds of clothes, proceed to eat it.
with slow, deliberate precision, find an unidentifiable piece of lint on the ground, then contemplatively eat that too.
drop Cheerios™ on the ground, one by one.
be startled by vacuum cleaners.
obsessively hold onto furniture while walking.
hesitantly reach out to every dog he sees.
giggle uncontrollably for apparently no reason at all.
expect strangers to smell his head.
eat like Robocop.
lean violently away or towards someone, depending on his disposition to that person.
cry when sleepy.
slowly approach the TV until face is squished against it, ensuring 129% of daily radiation intake.
stare at strangers, unblinking, while drooling.
continue doing whatever he was doing when others attempt small-talk.

Comments

shoreless said…

I hope you compile these lists of yours into a book one day and become filthy rich.

12:39 PM

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