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Things My 11-Month Old Can Do That Is Unacceptable For 47-Year Old Accounts Manager Brad Diaderod Currently Enjoying a Stopover In Muskegon, Michigan

  • discover leftovers in folds of clothes, proceed to eat it.
  • with slow, deliberate precision, find an unidentifiable piece of lint on the ground, then contemplatively eat that too.
  • drop Cheerios™ on the ground, one by one.
  • be startled by vacuum cleaners.
  • obsessively hold onto furniture while walking.
  • hesitantly reach out to every dog he sees.
  • giggle uncontrollably for apparently no reason at all.
  • expect strangers to smell his head.
  • eat like Robocop.
  • lean violently away or towards someone, depending on his disposition to that person.
  • cry when sleepy.
  • slowly approach the TV until face is squished against it, ensuring 129% of daily radiation intake.
  • stare at strangers, unblinking, while drooling.
  • continue doing whatever he was doing when others attempt small-talk.
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shoreless said…
I hope you compile these lists of yours into a book one day and become filthy rich.
12:39 PM
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