Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Job Description :

It's been my experience, that jobs that are advertised in the classifieds (or anywhere, come to think of it), are guaranteed to be spectacularly over-sold. In a world of sanitation engineers, office managers, and periodical canine companion cardio-vascular coaches, this probably shouldn't be surprising.

So I can't help but imagine what flurry of copywriter bravado sucked certain people into their jobs.

That Guy With The Church's Chicken Sign Dancing On The Street:
Do you thrive on solo projects? Do you have a natural ear for rhythm and the ability to engage customers in the smallest time frame? With your Bachelors (Marketing), and a drive to succeed, a growing multinational restaurant chain is looking for you! Apply today with the subject line "Dynamic Hands-On Motorist Marketer Opportunity".

The Mall Security Guard With The Dead Eyes And Expandign Midsection Holding All His Frustrated Hopes and Dreams:
Aegis International is looking for driven professionals proven to provide the best in high-profile, high-risk collateral protection. If you rise to the occasion, and are familiar with firearms (training will be provided), this might be the elite outfit you've been looking for. Featured in Ammo and Guns Top 3000 Employers To Work for 1983, Aegis International only hires the best. Because we are the best. Are you?

Dude and Dudette Selling Cell Phone Plans While Trying Desperately to Look Hip and With It:
Wanted - urban lifestyle mavens and players who know the pulse of the youth. If you go to the hottest clubs, and hang out at all the coolest release parties, and have an eye to join the field of Marketing, Ramjet Worldwide might have a spot for you! As a Principal Senior Field Marketer, you'll be responsible for the accounts of hundreds of urban professionals, committed to a NOW! lifestyle! If you have what it takes, drop us a line!


Monkfish said...

Haha, you should write one for a developer here.

Sneaky Speedtoker said...

Eyah, eyah! Do one for a university n-tier softwater developer!

Funka said...

Where can I apply?