Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Facebook Status Updates

My one little outlet of creativity, besides this blog, is my Facebook status update. Now, I realize Facebook is the root of all evil and is selling away our privacy for a song, but hey, it's how I stay connected with friends without having to actually *cringe* talk to them.

The following are status updates that have, or will be appended to my name.





has angered the voodoo priest.

contrary to rumour, doesn't dream in iambic pentameter, unless iambic means 'awesome', and pentameter means 'robots'.

has hoarded nothing, and wishes you'd stop insinuating that he has.

sleeps soundly on his ill-gotten gains.

is surpressing the desire to say 'Wheee' when he boards the Skytrain.

has a reasonable excuse.

avoids all things hip.

thinks that the umpire/referee/official's call was completely bogus.

is abusing the status update, as this is neither a status nor an update.

wonders how much more politically charged the song would be if it was renamed
'Rocket The Casbah'.

is celebrating 'Talk Like An Technologically-Challenged Bureaucratically-Inclined Paramecium Day'.

can't believe it was the pirates' fault again.

has plumbed the depths of his soul, the limit of his thoughts, to bring you
this status update.

curses the status word limit everyday.

can handle the truth, just prefers the lies.

wonders where he's heard the phrase 'mechanistically translucent' before.

has photographic evidence.

lacks sensitivity to the plight of his technotronic trans-galactic sociopathic robot overlords.

would blame it on the rain if that wasn't a morally repugnant thing to do.

can't remember if it's the red wire or the blue wire.

knows it's only a matter of time now.

has realized slush isn't just a fund used by ethically lax corporate executives.

thinks this plan just might be crazy enough to work.

is not singing 'Ohhh rescue pack, coming to the rescue!' under his breath.

protests the change in policy as being not nearly as lenient towards the Radical Badger Faction as was promised.

would like that thing that 'you know who' borrowed, back right away. Post haste even.

thinks bribery, while untoward, is not unwelcome.

wants to rock and roll all night, but thinks partying every day is kind of overkill.

is safe, for now.

suspects, contrary to what the noncy Scotland tell him, that the game is indeed, afoot.

hopes his ransom note isn't overwritten.

foregoes manly pursuits to slog through impossibly long, convoluted books. Current read has 17th Europe, calculus, the emergence of the stock market, & pirates

questions the veracity of the latest studies.

8 comments:

Monkfish said...

Monkey is currently stealing your Facebook statuses.

Niteowl said...

Sweet! Cold hard proof that someone is reading my blog!

Monkfish said...

Reading AND deeming your content is worth stealing.

Niteowl said...

Not only do you have a poor taste in reading, but you seem to have absolutely no regard for how oafish and slow my content will make you look. I applaud your bravery sir.

The Nighthawk said...

I have to say I get a kick out of your statuses. Seeing them all in that one list is great :)

Niteowl said...

Hey, thanks NH, I don't even use this list, although I should, when thinking of new ones. So you have to log into facebook every day to see what hackneyed excuse for humour I've shoehorned into my status :)

Anonymous said...

Monkey is attempting to make this your most commented blog.

Anonymous said...

OMG! OMG! It can't be true. You are going to have to really step it up to fill the void.

Monke...no I can't use that nickname anymore. It's too painfull.

Monkfish