Sunday, July 13, 2014

Why does this dog like walking around with limes so much?

  • It was the last thing his mother gave him before she was shot dead in broad daylight for standing up to El Jefe AND city hall.
  • It reminds him of the infinite fragility of planet Earth, with its whorls and eddies of life and  the gusts of inequities visited upon the weak and the strong; the shuddering tidal wave of death that evens everything in the end. Also IT TASTES FUNNY.
  • He was the runner-up to represent 7UP for their Hong Kong sub regional ad campaign 3 years in a row and just cant. Let it. Go.
  • It reminds him of the last clown to ever tease him.
  • He' s a recovering alcoholic whose poison of choice was tequila.
  • He was the last surviving member of an all-dog around the world sailing expedition, all of who, except for him, died of scurvy.
  • He's part of a Labour Union Iniative for Mtn Dogs and is sitting in solidarity for oppressed and exploited citrus workers of Southern California.
  • He has canine onset diabetes and this is the closest he'll ever get to nuzzling all his body dysmorphic issues into a club sized tub of Lime Skittles.
  • He was raised in an abandoned  furniture warehouse, making his living paw-raising rare desert chinchillas, and, after all his wandering, that was the only time he was truly happy. Himself, the citrus furniture polish in the air, the mewling of chinchilla pups in his ears, oh, and the high keening death throes of the latest rooster to die in his on-the-side cock-fighting ring.
  • Sniffing it is the only way  he can get the overwhelming taste of human blood out of his mouth.
  • It's gotta hatch sooner or later.

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