Thursday, February 10, 2011

General Qualities Required for Yacht Captains Employed by Third World Drug Kingpins

  • ability to keep eye contact when addressing employer on the "hottub deck".
  • past experience with caring for a ficus.
  • general disinterest in female anatomy, especially on aforementioned deck.
  • experience with pH balance and chlorination of 1/4 Olympic sized pool.
  • enjoys 'Miami Vice'.
  • supportive, but not too supportive of recreational drug use.
  • able to remove tricky stains from snow-white uniform (mud, grass, human brain and skull fragments).
  • refrains from 'punching it' at the first sign of law enforcement.
  • comfortable with frequent small arms fire.
  • knows how to start and operate a Vecoplan K-Model RG70K Industrial Shredder unassisted.
  • can do light cleanup (mainly of bent spoons, dusty mirrors, various lengths of rubber hose).
  • fond of Billy Ocean.
  • equally comfortable talking out of a search and seizure from the Coast Guard as he is having light banter at the dinner table.
  • doesn't press the need to wear 'short shorts'.
  • competent enough to serve as a spare 4th for bridge, should the need arise

No comments: