- ability to keep eye contact when addressing employer on the "hottub deck".
- past experience with caring for a ficus.
- general disinterest in female anatomy, especially on aforementioned deck.
- experience with pH balance and chlorination of 1/4 Olympic sized pool.
- enjoys 'Miami Vice'.
- supportive, but not too supportive of recreational drug use.
- able to remove tricky stains from snow-white uniform (mud, grass, human brain and skull fragments).
- refrains from 'punching it' at the first sign of law enforcement.
- comfortable with frequent small arms fire.
- knows how to start and operate a Vecoplan K-Model RG70K Industrial Shredder unassisted.
- can do light cleanup (mainly of bent spoons, dusty mirrors, various lengths of rubber hose).
- fond of Billy Ocean.
- equally comfortable talking out of a search and seizure from the Coast Guard as he is having light banter at the dinner table.
- doesn't press the need to wear 'short shorts'.
- competent enough to serve as a spare 4th for bridge, should the need arise
Thanks to Jay Morrison for the photo. Transit Drivers Bus drivers are an archetype in North American culture. In the imagination they are generous in girth, have staunch opinions about unions and eat 300% the recommended intake of red meat. The odd one adheres to a strict conspiracy theory, which they manage to work into the most innocuous conversations. At least, that's what's been ingrained in our collective subconscious along with "Han shot first" and "Dukakis, 1988". But transit drivers, like everyone else, are individuals. Unique, utterly one of a kind from the 5 billion others who roam this spinning mass of molten iron with the cool, carbon life-form infested shell. Sure, you see the reticent ones, who have a 100 yard stare and coolly watch passengers get mild hypothermia while they take their union-sanctioned 15 minute break inside their cozy bus. But there are other, more colourful characters as well. In my city, there is one that calls out every st...
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