1st Draft Birthday Cards

Remember when you used to look forward to being one year older: more mature, more responsibilities and opportunities?
And now it's just hoping that the degeneration of your body isn't too catastrophic and that maybe you can make it to a peaceful death without smearing your name on the walls with your own feces?
Those were great times.
This card is made from pristine, supposedly protected redwoods of California. The image on the front is of a idyllic untouched coastal scene, though, so there's that.
Another year older, another year wondering if that delightful absent-minded professor routine you've cultivated since 19 is really just masking advanced dementia.
Well, you're well past ever making anything of yourself.
We love you anyways. Happy Birthday!
You know using today to get a free meal at Denny's means you've lost, in not an unsubstantial way, some very real points in life.
Breakfast all day though, have a great one!
Batmobile, Porsche, Ducati, European sports car, Japanese performance sedan, domestic sedan, sport wagon, mini-van. It's called the 'tactical withdrawal of life'.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
You've now officially spent more time in your life struggling with 'mail merge' than you have spent laughing with your loved ones.
Milestones.
Happy Birthday buddy!
Broadly speaking, you've just turned up on the radar of nearly every actuarian.
Keep on trucking!
On balance, though, more of your friends are alive than dead, enjoy your youth, birthday boy!
The prolonged eye contact with the cute store clerk isn't due to your dignified, Clooneyesque demeanour, it's because you've reached the age where you remind her of her dad.
This is the year that the retirement home billboards take on a certain vicious significance. But you can still drive, happy birthday!
The Classic Rock station doesn't even play music you recognize anymore. Have a corker!

Comments

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