- Remember when you used to look forward to being one year older: more mature, more responsibilities and opportunities?
And now it's just hoping that the degeneration of your body isn't too catastrophic and that maybe you can make it to a peaceful death without smearing your name on the walls with your own feces?
Those were great times. - This card is made from pristine, supposedly protected redwoods of California. The image on the front is of a idyllic untouched coastal scene, though, so there's that.
- Another year older, another year wondering if that delightful absent-minded professor routine you've cultivated since 19 is really just masking advanced dementia.
- Well, you're well past ever making anything of yourself.
We love you anyways. Happy Birthday! - You know using today to get a free meal at Denny's means you've lost, in not an unsubstantial way, some very real points in life.
Breakfast all day though, have a great one! - Batmobile, Porsche, Ducati, European sports car, Japanese performance sedan, domestic sedan, sport wagon, mini-van. It's called the 'tactical withdrawal of life'.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! - You've now officially spent more time in your life struggling with 'mail merge' than you have spent laughing with your loved ones.
Milestones.
Happy Birthday buddy! - Broadly speaking, you've just turned up on the radar of nearly every actuarian.
Keep on trucking! - On balance, though, more of your friends are alive than dead, enjoy your youth, birthday boy!
- The prolonged eye contact with the cute store clerk isn't due to your dignified, Clooneyesque demeanour, it's because you've reached the age where you remind her of her dad.
- This is the year that the retirement home billboards take on a certain vicious significance. But you can still drive, happy birthday!
- The Classic Rock station doesn't even play music you recognize anymore. Have a corker!
You SIR, have the hygeine of an overly ripe avocado and the speaking habits of a vaguely deranged chess set. I find your manner to be unctuous and possibly libelous, and whatever standard you set for orthodontal care, it's not one I care for. Your choice in news programs is semi-literate at best and I do believe your favourite news anchor writes erotic literature for university mascots. While I'm not one to point out so obvious a failing, there has been rumour that the brunches you host every other Sunday are made with too much lard and cilantro. If you get my meaning. There is something to be said about your choice of motor-car fuel, but it is not urbane and if I were to repeat it, mothers would cover their children's ears and perhaps not a few longshoremen within earshot would blush. How you maintain that rather obscene crease in your trousers and your socks is beyond me, perhaps its also during this time that you cultivate a skin regime that I'm sure requires the dea
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