Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Riders for My Vacation

Riders are little notes that an act will give to a venue specifying what they need. Some examples. ChrisD came up with the brilliant suggestion to write one up for myself.

  • One (1) gas station attendent who will be nearly indistinguishable from the 'squeegy kids' that hang around the Shell station, the only difference being a dull, dirty name-tag worn in an innovative part of the body.
  • Twenty-three (23) life-harrowing experiences while on the highway with the family that will make me question why we ever left the comforts of our home to visit some corporate nightmare of fibreglass cartoon animals and hazardous carnival rides .
  • Three (3) feelings of incompetence as I miss our turn-off.
  • Fifteen (15) meals at fast-food restaurants I have back home.
  • One (1) meal at 'some place local' only to be scared by their lack of ketchup and insistence on selling RC Cola.
  • Seven (7) sensations that the skin is crawling off my body due to some indiscernible 'dirtiness' in the hotel
  • One (1) air conditioner that performs as expected if it were renamed Tepid Humid Mover of Funky Air.
  • One (1) really bad sunburn in an embarrassing or disproportionate body part (e.g. on the one arm that's hanging out the driver's window, only on the left side of my neck. ankles, etcetera).
  • Eleven (11) realizations that this city is almost exactly like the city I took a vacation from. Minus the RC Cola.
  • Two (2) attempts to 'walk cool' in the shopping district of new city, only to break the illusion of coolness soon after (stumbling into a coat rack, tripping over a carpet runner, mistaking the fitting room for a washroom, etc).


Chris D said...

You're too kind, niteowl!

Chris B. said...

Man, almost everything in this list struck me as a teenager traveling to California with my folks. Got off the plane and went to McDonalds. Strip malls everywhere. My dad even rented the same kind of car he drove at home so he'd be used to it.

Big difference was the beach and a few mountains. Oh, and I did get to see the Del Mar Skate Ranch before it became condos.

Niteowl said...

D : anything for a SUPERFAN

B : are you sure they became condos? Maybe it's just an elaborate condo shaped covering for a wicked sick skate park within?

Chris B. said...

Next time I'm in the area, I will knock on some doors and take random stabs at the secret password. Casting a bit of a pall on correctly guessing would be the fact that I'm fairly obese and waaaaay out of practice on a skateboard. Still worth it.